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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Video Parenting Course
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Video Parenting Course
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Video Parenting Course
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Video Parenting Course
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Video Parenting Course
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Video Parenting Course
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation consistently generates better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Video Parenting Course
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Video Parenting Course
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Video Parenting Course
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Video Parenting Course
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Video Parenting Course
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Video Parenting Course
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Video Parenting Course
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Video Parenting Course
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Video Parenting Course
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.