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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Violent 4 Year Old
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Violent 4 Year Old
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Violent 4 Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Violent 4 Year Old
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Violent 4 Year Old
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Violent 4 Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Violent 4 Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Violent 4 Year Old
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Violent 4 Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Violent 4 Year Old
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Violent 4 Year Old
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Violent 4 Year Old
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Violent 4 Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Violent 4 Year Old
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Violent 4 Year Old
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