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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Wall Street Journal Parenting
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Wall Street Journal Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Wall Street Journal Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Wall Street Journal Parenting
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Wall Street Journal Parenting
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Wall Street Journal Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Wall Street Journal Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Wall Street Journal Parenting
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Wall Street Journal Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Wall Street Journal Parenting
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Wall Street Journal Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Wall Street Journal Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Wall Street Journal Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Wall Street Journal Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Wall Street Journal Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.