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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Wean A Toddler From Breastfeeding
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