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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Wean A Toddler
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Wean A Toddler
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Wean A Toddler
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Wean A Toddler
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Wean A Toddler
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Wean A Toddler
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Wean A Toddler
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Wean A Toddler
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling below it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Wean A Toddler
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Wean A Toddler
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Wean A Toddler
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Wean A Toddler
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Wean A Toddler
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Wean A Toddler
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Wean A Toddler
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.