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When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Weaning 15 Month Old
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Weaning 15 Month Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Weaning 15 Month Old
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Weaning 15 Month Old
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Weaning 15 Month Old
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Weaning 15 Month Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Weaning 15 Month Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Weaning 15 Month Old
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Weaning 15 Month Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we should agree to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Weaning 15 Month Old
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Weaning 15 Month Old
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Weaning 15 Month Old
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Weaning 15 Month Old
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Weaning 15 Month Old
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Weaning 15 Month Old
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