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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Weaning A Toddler
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Weaning A Toddler
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Weaning A Toddler
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Weaning A Toddler
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Weaning A Toddler
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Weaning A Toddler
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Weaning A Toddler
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Weaning A Toddler
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Weaning A Toddler
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we should agree to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Weaning A Toddler
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Weaning A Toddler
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Weaning A Toddler
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Weaning A Toddler
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Weaning A Toddler
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Weaning A Toddler
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