Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Weaning Two Year Old
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Weaning Two Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Weaning Two Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Weaning Two Year Old
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Weaning Two Year Old
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Weaning Two Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Weaning Two Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Weaning Two Year Old
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Weaning Two Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Weaning Two Year Old
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Weaning Two Year Old
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Weaning Two Year Old
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Weaning Two Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Weaning Two Year Old
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Weaning Two Year Old
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.