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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Wet Accidents
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Wet Accidents
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Wet Accidents
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy child development Wet Accidents
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Wet Accidents
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Wet Accidents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Wet Accidents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Wet Accidents
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Wet Accidents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Wet Accidents
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Wet Accidents
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Wet Accidents
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Wet Accidents
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Wet Accidents
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Wet Accidents
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