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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (and extra common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Wetting Pants After Potty Trained
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.