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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling under it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we must be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. What Are Positive Discipline Techniques
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