Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. What Are Positive Parenting Skills
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.What Are Positive Parenting Skills
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy What Are Positive Parenting Skills
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development What Are Positive Parenting Skills
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? What Are Positive Parenting Skills
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want What Are Positive Parenting Skills
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. What Are Positive Parenting Skills
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. What Are Positive Parenting Skills
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … What Are Positive Parenting Skills
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. What Are Positive Parenting Skills
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. What Are Positive Parenting Skills
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? What Are Positive Parenting Skills
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? What Are Positive Parenting Skills
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Are Positive Parenting Skills
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. What Are Positive Parenting Skills
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.