Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. What Are Some Good Behaviors
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.What Are Some Good Behaviors
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy What Are Some Good Behaviors
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development What Are Some Good Behaviors
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? What Are Some Good Behaviors
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want What Are Some Good Behaviors
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. What Are Some Good Behaviors
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and much more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. What Are Some Good Behaviors
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … What Are Some Good Behaviors
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we have to want to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. What Are Some Good Behaviors
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. What Are Some Good Behaviors
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? What Are Some Good Behaviors
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? What Are Some Good Behaviors
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Are Some Good Behaviors
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. What Are Some Good Behaviors
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.