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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we must be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. What Are The Positive Effects Of Helicopter Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.