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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. What Does Discipline Guide A Child To Have
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