Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy child development What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. What Does It Mean To Talk Back To Your Parents
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.