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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. What Does Positive Parenting Mean
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.What Does Positive Parenting Mean
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan What Does Positive Parenting Mean
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development What Does Positive Parenting Mean
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? What Does Positive Parenting Mean
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want What Does Positive Parenting Mean
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. What Does Positive Parenting Mean
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (and also much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. What Does Positive Parenting Mean
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• Most angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … What Does Positive Parenting Mean
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must want to give first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. What Does Positive Parenting Mean
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. What Does Positive Parenting Mean
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? What Does Positive Parenting Mean
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? What Does Positive Parenting Mean
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Does Positive Parenting Mean
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. What Does Positive Parenting Mean
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.