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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion below it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. What Does The Bible Say About Discipline Your Child
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