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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. What If My Mom Is Smacking Me Repeatedly In The Face
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.