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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. What Is Encouragement
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.What Is Encouragement
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan What Is Encouragement
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development What Is Encouragement
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? What Is Encouragement
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want What Is Encouragement
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. What Is Encouragement
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. What Is Encouragement
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … What Is Encouragement
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. What Is Encouragement
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. What Is Encouragement
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? What Is Encouragement
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? What Is Encouragement
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Is Encouragement
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. What Is Encouragement
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.