Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. What Is Positive Discipline Approach?
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.