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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. What Is Positive Discipline
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.What Is Positive Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution What Is Positive Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development What Is Positive Discipline
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? What Is Positive Discipline
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for What Is Positive Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. What Is Positive Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. What Is Positive Discipline
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … What Is Positive Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. What Is Positive Discipline
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. What Is Positive Discipline
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? What Is Positive Discipline
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Is Positive Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Is Positive Discipline
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. What Is Positive Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.