What Is Proximal Parenting – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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What Is Proximal Parenting
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. What Is Proximal Parenting

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.What Is Proximal Parenting

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan What Is Proximal Parenting

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy child development What Is Proximal Parenting

What Is Proximal Parenting

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? What Is Proximal Parenting

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they want What Is Proximal Parenting

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Parents who adopt this concept have learned to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. What Is Proximal Parenting

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Right here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Get to the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. What Is Proximal Parenting

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling below it

• A lot of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … What Is Proximal Parenting

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be ready to give. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. What Is Proximal Parenting

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. What Is Proximal Parenting

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? What Is Proximal Parenting

Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.

So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Is Proximal Parenting

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Is Proximal Parenting

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. What Is Proximal Parenting


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