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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. What Is Sibling Rivalry
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.What Is Sibling Rivalry
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach What Is Sibling Rivalry
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development What Is Sibling Rivalry
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? What Is Sibling Rivalry
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want What Is Sibling Rivalry
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. What Is Sibling Rivalry
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. What Is Sibling Rivalry
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … What Is Sibling Rivalry
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. What Is Sibling Rivalry
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. What Is Sibling Rivalry
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? What Is Sibling Rivalry
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Is Sibling Rivalry
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Is Sibling Rivalry
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. What Is Sibling Rivalry
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.