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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we must want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. What Is The Age Of Reason For A Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.