Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mom or dad you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (as well as more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. What Is The Best Way To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.