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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always yields better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and much more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. What It Takes To Be A Good Parent
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.