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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. What Makes A Child Happy At School
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.What Makes A Child Happy At School
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan What Makes A Child Happy At School
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy child development What Makes A Child Happy At School
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? What Makes A Child Happy At School
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want What Makes A Child Happy At School
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. What Makes A Child Happy At School
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (as well as much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. What Makes A Child Happy At School
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … What Makes A Child Happy At School
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should be eager to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. What Makes A Child Happy At School
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. What Makes A Child Happy At School
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? What Makes A Child Happy At School
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Makes A Child Happy At School
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Makes A Child Happy At School
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. What Makes A Child Happy At School
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