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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy child development What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. What Shared Custody Schedules Are Best For Teens
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