Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. What To Do When My Kids Screams
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.What To Do When My Kids Screams
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach What To Do When My Kids Screams
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development What To Do When My Kids Screams
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? What To Do When My Kids Screams
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for What To Do When My Kids Screams
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. What To Do When My Kids Screams
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. What To Do When My Kids Screams
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … What To Do When My Kids Screams
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. What To Do When My Kids Screams
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. What To Do When My Kids Screams
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? What To Do When My Kids Screams
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? What To Do When My Kids Screams
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What To Do When My Kids Screams
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. What To Do When My Kids Screams
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.