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When I first became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. What To Do When Your Toddler Hits You
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