What To Know About Child Discipline – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

What To Know About Child Discipline
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. What To Know About Child Discipline

There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.What To Know About Child Discipline

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy What To Know About Child Discipline

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development What To Know About Child Discipline

What To Know About Child Discipline

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? What To Know About Child Discipline

First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they want What To Know About Child Discipline

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than strict control.

Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued

• Helping kids to develop self-discipline

• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. What To Know About Child Discipline

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mama or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, and help your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. What To Know About Child Discipline

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion under it

• Most upset children are really anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.

• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … What To Know About Child Discipline

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. What To Know About Child Discipline

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. What To Know About Child Discipline

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? What To Know About Child Discipline

Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So how can you become a positive parent? What To Know About Child Discipline

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What To Know About Child Discipline

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. What To Know About Child Discipline


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!