Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always generates better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion under it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. What Values Do You Want To Instill In Your Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.