When Children Talk Back – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

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When Children Talk Back
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. When Children Talk Back

There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.When Children Talk Back

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer When Children Talk Back

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles cause healthy child development When Children Talk Back

When Children Talk Back

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? When Children Talk Back

Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they want When Children Talk Back

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting results than harsh control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Helping kids to establish self-control

• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. When Children Talk Back

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mama or father you’ve always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

But we can get a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. When Children Talk Back

For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it

• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … When Children Talk Back

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. When Children Talk Back

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. When Children Talk Back

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? When Children Talk Back

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

How can you come to be a positive parent? When Children Talk Back

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. When Children Talk Back

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. When Children Talk Back


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