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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or dad you have actually always wished to be, and assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion below it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. When Did Your Child Stop Having Daytime Potty Accidents
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