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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. When Parents
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.When Parents
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan When Parents
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development When Parents
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? When Parents
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for When Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. When Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. When Parents
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling under it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … When Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. When Parents
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. When Parents
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? When Parents
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? When Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. When Parents
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. When Parents
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