When People Talk Behind Your Back – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Behave

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When People Talk Behind Your Back
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. When People Talk Behind Your Back

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.When People Talk Behind Your Back

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution When People Talk Behind Your Back

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting method.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development When People Talk Behind Your Back

When People Talk Behind Your Back

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? When People Talk Behind Your Back

Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Offering your children whatever they ask for When People Talk Behind Your Back

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.

Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than simple external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. When People Talk Behind Your Back

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Below are a number of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. When People Talk Behind Your Back

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion underneath it

• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … When People Talk Behind Your Back

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. When People Talk Behind Your Back

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. When People Talk Behind Your Back

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? When People Talk Behind Your Back

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

How can you evolve to be a positive parent? When People Talk Behind Your Back

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. When People Talk Behind Your Back

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. When People Talk Behind Your Back


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