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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. When Toddlers Hit
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.When Toddlers Hit
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan When Toddlers Hit
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development When Toddlers Hit
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? When Toddlers Hit
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want When Toddlers Hit
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. When Toddlers Hit
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. When Toddlers Hit
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … When Toddlers Hit
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. When Toddlers Hit
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. When Toddlers Hit
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? When Toddlers Hit
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? When Toddlers Hit
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. When Toddlers Hit
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. When Toddlers Hit
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.