When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or – How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Providing your children whatever they want When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces much better lasting results than strict control.

Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to become the mommy or father you’ve always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling under it

• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

How can you evolve to be a positive parent? When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. When You Hit Your Child Is It For Discipline Or


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