Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mommy or father you’ve always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling under it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Where Can I Send My Child For Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.