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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Whiney Child
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Whiney Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Whiney Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Whiney Child
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Whiney Child
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Whiney Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Whiney Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Whiney Child
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Whiney Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Whiney Child
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Whiney Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Whiney Child
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Whiney Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Whiney Child
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Whiney Child
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