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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Whining Behavior
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Whining Behavior
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Whining Behavior
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Whining Behavior
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Whining Behavior
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Whining Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Whining Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Whining Behavior
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Whining Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Whining Behavior
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Whining Behavior
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Whining Behavior
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Whining Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Whining Behavior
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Whining Behavior
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