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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Whining Kid
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Whining Kid
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Whining Kid
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Whining Kid
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Whining Kid
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Whining Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Whining Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Whining Kid
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Whining Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Whining Kid
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Whining Kid
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Whining Kid
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Whining Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Whining Kid
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Whining Kid
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.