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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Whinny Children
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Whinny Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Whinny Children
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Whinny Children
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Whinny Children
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Whinny Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Whinny Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Whinny Children
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Whinny Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Whinny Children
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Whinny Children
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Whinny Children
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Whinny Children
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Whinny Children
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Whinny Children
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.