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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Whiny Four Year Old
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Whiny Four Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Whiny Four Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Whiny Four Year Old
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Whiny Four Year Old
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Whiny Four Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Whiny Four Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (as well as more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Whiny Four Year Old
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Whiny Four Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Whiny Four Year Old
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Whiny Four Year Old
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Whiny Four Year Old
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Whiny Four Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Whiny Four Year Old
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Whiny Four Year Old
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