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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Who Popularized The Positive Psychology Movement
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