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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Who Positive Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Who Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Who Positive Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development Who Positive Parenting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Who Positive Parenting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Who Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Who Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Who Positive Parenting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Who Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Who Positive Parenting
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Who Positive Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Who Positive Parenting
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Who Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Who Positive Parenting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Who Positive Parenting
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