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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mom or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion under it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Why Are Autistic Picky Eaters
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.