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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Why Do Babies Gag Themselves
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