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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently yields better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Why Do Babies Have Bad Dreams
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